How to Persist in Writing & Enjoying Rejections.

How To Persist In Writing and Enjoy Rejections

I am both a natural born and a ‘born again’ writer. Let me explain.

As I mention in my own personal biography on this site, I became deeply aware of my love and affinity for writing almost as soon as I learned my abc’s. I wrote with great ease and sooner than later heard teacher after teacher to professor after professor validate I had a “gift.”

Because I had the gift and ease of writing, I assumed that meant I would have absolutely NO problem whatsoever getting published and seeing my books occupy shelves in Barnes & Noble, etc. Yes. I was truly dreaming for real even though I got positive reception from agents, editors and publishers when I was fresh out of college. Then followed living to be done, day jobs to be kept, mistakes to be made, loved ones lost and writing got moved to the back of the bus and no longer took priority on the ‘To Do’ List. But I had a calling that wouldn’t quit and haunted me back. I returned with new gusto, re-energized faith and bravado confident I was going to make it big time this time.

Then the rejection slips started pouring in. I wasn’t 22 anymore and was plagued with the big question, “What is happening?” Questions also followed about character and capability. Faith shook and confidence wavered. And it wasn’t just the doubt, it was the work putting in the sacrifice. I realized it wasn’t just me. I was not alone by any means. Writers worldwide were gifted. It wasn’t just me; it was you, too.

The sacrifice is really something unlike what anyone else could imagine. If you’re a married woman, you’re probably missing your husband at night, staying up late in pursuit of that idea, that plot, that storyline. If you’re a married man, you’re probably experiencing the same thing only you may find that your attraction toward other women increases. When children are involved, it’s a serious juggling act that can be very intense.

This complexity is exacerbated by rejection. You spared nothing. You sacrificed everything, you gave it your all. You did everything they told you to do more, and still the “not for us, thanks,” rejections kept pouring in. You became too well acquainted with their mantras: “You must be patient, persistent; you must develop a thick skin; you must not take it personal, it’s not that you’re not a wonderful writer, it’s just that there are a number of reasons why you were rejected. But keep trying." They continue to stress: "Don’t give up; don’t quit.” But you do take it personal and you do want to quit and you do want to scream and you may get depressed, and…

It reminds of the high school teacher who experienced so many young boys, good athletes with hoop dreams or great football players with NFL dreams. I think about how difficult it is to encourage them toward the practical with the dream knowing that there are only so many slots for both the NBA and the NFL and very few will be able to fill those slots. That’s the name of the game they say. The thing then is to suck it up. But like Langston Hughes wrote, what does one do with a dream deferred?

It’s different with us writers and yet the same. Not every great, incredible writer will be published by the major leagues, and fewer still will achieve 6 figure deals. It just ain’t gonna happen for all who try. The fact is, the truth is no matter how great your sacrifices, it may not happen for you, for me. But before you stop reading for fear of accepting so-called failure, let me get to the greater truth.

You can be rejected by every literary agency, every publisher everywhere all the time, but you cannot reject yourself. Their rejection does NOT define you or your writing. One of the greatest writers posed the eternal question: “To be or not to be? That is the question.” Note that the question was not, “To do, or not to do? That is the question.” No. The quintessential question is about “being.” How are you? Who are you? You may not ever be a Shakespeare, but what kind of woman are you? What kind of man? Are you a good wife, husband, father, mother, relative, friend? Are you a good co-worker, a good neighbor? Most likely, there are other gifts, talents you possess. Are they being neglected, dismissed because your sole focus is making it in the big league publishing? I hope not.

I have written books that totally bombed and yet, I’ve heard people who read them come back to me quoting some of the things said, sharing what a difference it made in their life, how it spoke to them. Through those experiences and encounters, God and me brought myself back from the brink.

I realized I was not my rejection slips, nor do the never-hearing-back rejections define me either. I’ve come back to looking around in my world and getting in touch with all the kudos, wide acceptance and yes, love and appreciation that surrounds me daily—especially the love I have for myself—as a person of great value and second, as a writer of equal value. These truths not only made me happy and happier, but also blessed me to be a better writer and to love it all the more. And yes, I’ve come to love rejection(s), too. With each and every rejection, I learned something. It wasn’t the end result; it was the process! I no longer have to set myself up with unreal expectations. I know I’m a writer, always have been, always will be. I write: Therefore I am. And you, too. If you know it’s like fire shut up in your bones to quote the prophet Jeremiah—for God’s sake, your sake and the world’s—never quench it. That’s impossible if it‘s in your bones. At the same time, don’t be consumed by it. Writers have heart, too. They are among the great thinkers, too.

Step back. Breathe. Take inventory. The dream deferred or realized does not define you, for it is you who are the dreamer and you therefore are greater than your dream. To be or not to be may be the question but the fact that you are and will be is and will always be the answer. You are: therefore you write.